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January 29 Me....?? I am: deliriously happy January 15 A toast!!A Toast To Everyone, And All That You Do From The Guy With One Leg, and a Fu-Manchu I Bless This Event, And Everyone Here Except For That Weirdo, With Only One Ear And The Two Headed Lady, Who Spiked the Punch And The Man With a Cap, Over His Hunch You All Creep Me Out, Something Crazy And Especially You, With the Eye That is Lazy January 11 Acupuncshirt™Acupuncshirt™ |
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Snow makes me deliriously happy. There's something miraculous about these white crystalline particles, which, when unhurried by the wind, leisurely suspend in the air until such time they see fit to grace the ground. One might be two years more than twenty-four, and still be surprised by the beauty of life and continual youth of time, be enchanted by how snow glitters, and be amused by how one's tropical eyelashes are useless in such weather. When I got on the bus, the old woman gestured that I sit across the aisle from her, where three full plastic bags had been tucked under the seat. "Those are mine," she said. "Marché Jean-Talon." In one wave of her hand and a stifled laugh she explained the ridiculous situation of having done her shopping on a day that was snowing like crazy, and having to make her way home with full bags of shopping. "Three cauliflowers, same price as one." Yet another gesture of her hand, indicating her weakness for good bargains. "I'm now 81 years old, but I'm a good housekeeper, a good cook." I have no recollection of what I said, perhaps some kind of conversation filler. Several minutes passed. Then, to my surprise, she got up and walked across the aisle to me. "Do you live near here?" "Not far," I said. She proceeded to give me her address, the exact street corner, the apartment number. "Come and see me, I can cook you a nice dinner. I am from Europe you know. I have been living here for 56 years. I am 81 years old and I am alone." Her breath had a tinge of drink ... rum? In slow, laboured speech, she gave me a summary of her life in Montreal, how her mother died in her arms, how her husband was perturbed by her insistence to care for her mother until she passed on. "Or call me. Would you like to write my number down?" "No, I can remember numbers well." She gave me her phone number. I recited it back to her. "What's your name?" I told her. She recited my name back to me. "Call me, I am alone. Have a good day." I watched her collect her bags and cautiously got off the bus. I turned around and watched her crossed the street through the foggy window. Then I looked at other passengers in the bus, none of whom seemed to have noticed anything out of the ordinary. I wonder if she knew that I would never find the courage to pick up the phone. But a letter, maybe. Yes, perhaps a letter.
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Remeberies
So many people say they wish they could go back in time to change things they have done. I would never wish this upon myself or anyone else, because everything that you did or said got you to where you are now, for good or bad, and I strongly believe things will always work out, you just may not notice when it does.
But this blog isn't to say what I've done or wish I've done, I don't want to take anything back, but I want to RELIVE it all. My younger years, my childhood, I wish I could see it and feel it all over. I know I'm not old and I should not be having these thoughts, but because of my recent visit to River View and constant listening to old 90's wack-ass music, it reminds me over everything I've loved, and still love. My innocence, my passion, my drive, my love...I don't know if you can understand this, this being an emotions with-out a definition, with-out a word to describe my emotions/feelings over this. I'm still very-childish and fun loving, but it was different young. You could be confident in anything you did because you were cute and too immature to understand. This understanding makes us paranoid, nervous, stressful, fake, and everything I've prided myself on never being. Lately I've been drowning myself in old music and memories, sometimes all at once, and it makes me feel amazing. Makes me remember to love the little things that make a young child awe with surprise, questioning and wonder. How can people let these things go so easily? I know "it’s a part of growing up", but must it be? If we were all free-falling so to speak and living life free, we would be more relaxed and live life more full. Do you really want to be the type to die on your work desk from having a heart attack? No, of coarse you don't.
I think I'm trying to say to live every moment to its most, but everyone knows that already, but it's like knowing French fries are bad for you but you still eat them? So what you know what’s best, but do you actually abide by it? No....I try, and I guess that's all we can ever do.
We don't remember day's, we remember moments.
I learned an important lesson today
logical, but most didn't come because they didn't want to. Not that they couldn't, but
that they wouldn't. The thing that hits me is that if one of my friends called me
and asked me to do something I didn't want to do, I bet I would
probably go. I might not have in the past but from
now on I will. Not for myself, but
for them,becasue that's
what a friend
does.
So now tonight I am alone with my computer screen...this is pathetic.
Subway, eat Fresh
After much thought, I don't think I can consider the guy working behind the counter at Subway a Sandwich Artist. I feel my argument is supported by a couple of reasons, obvious to all, after consideration.
1. The said employee (we'll call him Lars, for efficiency's sake), has absolutely no input as to the contents of my sandwich. What kind of artist can't decide his own medium?
2. Lars puts together the sandwich the same way everytime. Why not put the ham on top? Or use the turkey slices as the roll? There's so many other ways to experiment! Get your brain out of the bread oven, you dummy.
So, with this newly-discovered information, I am considering more appropriate titles for the Subway worker. Like the Sandwich Dredge. Or the Hoagie Concubine.
A World Without Water
Just to put everyone's mind at ease, drinking all the water in the world is physically impossible. I don't want this comic to scare anyone out of routine hydration — it's an extremely important aspect of survival. At best, the human body can only survive two days without H2O. Here's a simple play I wrote to help you remember:
ACT I.
Scene fades in on an opulent conservatory
Colonel Abenard: "I say, Madam Chambers, I'm feeling a bit parched!"
Lady Chifferella Chambers: "Heavens, Colonel! Do take care of yourself — I shan't know what to do if you were to dehydrate!"
Colonel Abenard: (chuckling to himself) "Nonsense, my dear. I was fine yesterday, and the day before that..."
Lady Chifferella Chambers: (offering a tumbler to the Colonel) "Still, I would be quite relieved were you to steal a sip of my tonic."
Colonel Abenard: "Good Lady! A sip of your glass, however brief, would ruffle my mustache beyond repair!"
Scene fades out
ACT II
Scene fades in on cemetary
Lady Chifferella Chambers: "How dreadful... to expire from thirst!"
Doctor Sutherland Southeby: (patting Lady Chambers on the arm) "Now, now, Chifferella — he brought it on himself."
Lady Chifferella Chambers: (wailing) "Why did I not do more to prevent this morbid dessication!?"
Colonel Abenard: (mustache severely ruffled) "Mercy! I'm quite glad I partook of your tonic after all, Lady Chambers!" (peering into casket) "Who is this wasted chap?"
Scene fades out.
Scene fades in on an opulent conservatory
Colonel Abenard: "I say, Madam Chambers, I'm feeling a bit parched!"
Lady Chifferella Chambers: "Heavens, Colonel! Do take care of yourself — I shan't know what to do if you were to dehydrate!"
Colonel Abenard: (chuckling to himself) "Nonsense, my dear. I was fine yesterday, and the day before that..."
Lady Chifferella Chambers: (offering a tumbler to the Colonel) "Still, I would be quite relieved were you to steal a sip of my tonic."
Colonel Abenard: "Good Lady! A sip of your glass, however brief, would ruffle my mustache beyond repair!"
Scene fades out
ACT II
Scene fades in on cemetary
Lady Chifferella Chambers: "How dreadful... to expire from thirst!"
Doctor Sutherland Southeby: (patting Lady Chambers on the arm) "Now, now, Chifferella — he brought it on himself."
Lady Chifferella Chambers: (wailing) "Why did I not do more to prevent this morbid dessication!?"
Colonel Abenard: (mustache severely ruffled) "Mercy! I'm quite glad I partook of your tonic after all, Lady Chambers!" (peering into casket) "Who is this wasted chap?"
Scene fades out.
Totally Mistified
Duly noted that I'm loco, this is what has been through my mind lately...
The simpleness, the ability to enjoy something so trivial it hurts sometimes because it's all you have left. To be able to simply stare at your own hand as rays of sun drench your skin and you watch it dance across your palm. To watch steam rise and swirl while you’re in the shower, and to look through the glass door like it's a kaleidoscope and see what you've never seen before. It's like this, you can have say a water bottle, think nothing of it...then one day see something more in it, like the simple way it magnifies things etc. That was a bad example but I just have a water bottle sitting beside me so ya. To be able to go for a walk, any time of day and think how absolutely beautiful the world is. And I firmly believe Searchmount is the most beautiful place on earth. When I'm up there I feel like Zeus standing a top the mountains. To see the snow squalls swirl down around you as you glide a top the snow on my bright blue skis.
Speaking of skiing, my uncle is coming up in March break to ski with me! Also to spend time with family. I'm not exactly to happy bout this, mainly cause he creeps the hell outa me. I know he means well, but he just not there all the time. Like he will call at some ungodly hour (example 6 in the morning!!) ask if we were up, then be like oh I guess it is a bit early I'll call back later. (Kari gouges out eyes...ugggggg) Or he'll call and he can hear us but won’t speak or say anything, all you can hear it breathing and you say hello but he won’t respond!! So ya to say the least it's an odd situation to be in, let alone have me teach him how to ski and snowboard when I've just learned to snowboard myself!! I may be a fast learner and I'm super good but I can't teach!!...well snowboarding that is.
Back to my main point, senses misguide us. We rely too much on our bodies to tell us the story rather than the mind. They are so fragile and... for lack of better wording... random! Like, why do we base a huge part of our existence on our senses? Because they're the same for everyone? Well what about people who are colour blind, or deaf? You'd have no point of reference with a blind man. How would you describe sight to him? Try describing the colour red. See what I mean? And if you can lose them so easily, why would you orient yourself by them so intricately? I mean of course it's in our nature to do that, but once you think about it, and realise the fragility of the things, wouldn't you just feel safer if you didn't rely on them so much?-stolen from another blog, but It seemed to say exactly what I could not in words.
Some days I feel like I've just missed them. I know they happened but they are gone from my memory, like I was never there, and I need people to tell me what happened for me to remember. I hate this. And when you miss those days you end up being behind everyone else.
Olympics are on!! One day I'll be in the Olympics...for something. Sports seem to be my thing, example: wrestling. On the tournament we had yesterday I was very, very ill prepared. I had not wrestled in over a month except one practise 3 days before the tournament. I was outa shape and just over all blah!! But I was extremely shocked by my outcome. I won both matches with pins one within the first like 30 seconds of the match. And what shocked me most was how good I was, when I wasn't even trying. I mean I wasn't trying at all!! It boggles my mind to think that one can succeed so much better when one does not try. But I guess in a way it makes sense. I succeeded because I was better, and I guess just a natural. Exhibit A) in gym yesterday I discovered I’m incredibly good at tackling people, and I might try out next year for the football team!! Maybe, I’m really shy. But Troy Polamalu is my freaking hero of all time. I only wish I was that good. During the tournament I chatted with Nick about RENT, which makes me all to excited now for it!!
Simple strands of beauty are everywhere, and the more you look and see, the more beauty you will find everyday. But they are only temporary. Complex beauty will last a lifetime; to bad I do not see it anywhere.
Ashiteru ~ ~
Jabbing Throats is Hilarious
1. People who don't get jokes.
2. People who don't think jabbing people in the throat is funny.
3. Guys who say things to their girlfriend like "You better learn to listen" or refer to them as "girl" or "baby", etc.
4. People who try to drink and drive and get home without a ticket.
5. People who give in to peer pressure easily (and then drink and drive....double jab!)
6. People who get a job on the first day of looking.
7. People who walk increadabibly slow infront of you and you can't pass them.
8. People that hang out around KFC on "toonie tuesday"
9. People who can't grasp the idea of sarcasm.
10. People who put their images on the internet to be judged and wine when the results come back.
11. People who squeal their tires, on purpose.
12. Girls/guys who say "I'm not a slut, I've only had sex with 13 guys". (Because a slut is what??)
13. The person who inveneted those stupid "Shaw" comercials.
14. People who feel the need to abbreviate every possible word, ie: brb, btw, asl, LOL
15. Complusive liers.
16. People who think clicking pens is funny, not anoying.
17. People who know McDonalds meals days, when they don't work there.
18. Tennybopper sluts who dress like whores and are only 7 years old!
19. Trailer trash who just keep having babies for their welfare.
20. Grooms who go to the bridle shower.
21. Bridal shower guesties who ooh and ahh about bows breaking. "Oh isn't great, Jane broke te ribbon now shes going to have lots og kids" GAG!!!!!I'm going to puke!!!!!
22. Martha Stewart.
23. Martha Stewart wana-be's.
24.People who pull out infront of you in a car like their in some big hurry then they just put-put along! Grrr...I wish I was in a tank when this happens. They wouldn't do it again.
25. People who don't listen and ask you to repeat things again and again.
26. People who wear their visors upside down on their head. What are they trying to do, catch rain??
27. People who are thin and healthy and still try to lose weight.
28. People who say "carmel" instead of "caramel". Is it really that hard to pronounce that extra letter? Same with libary....LIBRARY
29. People who crack bad jokes and then stare at you waiting for you to laugh.
30. Then to have those people say "God, you have no sense of humor"
31. People who spend hours in line with a cashier talking while they search for that one missing penny. It's just a penny, let it go!!
32. People who look at youths as no-good theives who live under a bridge and smoke crack and are in a gang.
33. People who try to find a deeper meaning in crappy songs by crappy bands. The act like lemmings and are sattisfied with the mediocrity that the media feeds them
34. People who order huge meals at McDonadls and orders a diet pop to wash it down.
35. And finally, that someone whos going to read this and think I'm a big complainer/hypocryt/laybeller. I'm basically a nice person who needs to ramble in order to keep sane.
If you have any other pet peeves or reasons to drop kick someone, shout out>> <3 =^,^=
All hope has crashed
</3
Lovelyness
Love is not an emotion as much as it is a precious memory. You can not own it, or trade it in for a new one when you get board. It must be earned and treasured for the entire duration that you may have it. You can never give up on love, until it gives up on you. Love can control or be controlled, but a life without love is not a life at all, it's rather more like a rock, or a badminton racquet. Love fills a hole in your heart that you never knew existed, and that's why when love leaves there is such a space. The heart can be broken, torn to pieces, or eaten by a hound of angry coyotes, but with love it can be stitched back together.
I love so many people, and I don't tell them this as often as I should. So for all/anyone who is reading this;
I love you
<3
New Years
A year has passes since the tsunami, a year has passed in school, a year of my life has been washed away with the tides and what do I have to say about it!?? It's been one hellova ride...however I’m quite uncertain of how to feel.
I didn’t really accomplish anything in the year, nor did I do anything really spectacular and amazing. I enjoyed every day rain or shine or snow or hail (maybe even snail I duno [snail-snow hail]) I also seem to still have a major problem with displaying my emotions the way I really feel. In a year re-cap, I've met some amazing people, and I don’t think I could look at a piece of literature and lettuce the same way again. Thanks guys. I also seem to have givin up on any relationship, even if I like the person I refuse to go out with them because I have this horrible fear of commitment and of being let down, or letting people down.
This next year I want to wipe the slate clear. I want to live and think like a newborn child, everything so new and beautiful, and absolutely amazing to behold. But this childlike aspiration of mine is of coarse impossible, but I can try and make it more like that for other people. Making other people happy is my life, and if I can’t make one person smile a day I feel the day has been wasted. I’m going to keep to my normal new year’s resolution to try anything new and keep my mind open to anything, to absorb as much worldly information as bearable and to actually save money to travel. This is what I want to do but let’s not kid ourselves; we never go through with it.
I feel stupid in saying this, knowing full and well its utterly bizarre and impossible and I sound like I’m running for Miss Canada, but I really want world peace. I want people to be grateful for what they have, instead of saying their parents suck, and their life sucks, so they go off and cut themselves. I can’t stand how humanity is going down the drain, when it can be such a beautiful thing, like a lotus rising from the mud. But alas, Dubya Bush and all other world leaders can’t seem to work things out, ever, and can we really expect them ever too? Or even agree on a type of pizza to order?? And aren’t I myself a true hypocrite? I want to love and spread love like butter on toast but I show my love for others, well I can, I just can’t.
I think everyone should at least once a day do dance in the snow, or smell a flower, I started doing it and for one second maybe in my weary and bleak day/life, I felt good. Happiness prevents wrinkles!!
I guess in the duration of a year I’m become more comfortable with myself, and with other opinions of me what ever they be. I started to think before I spoke but spoke to speak my mind and be polite. I maybe still a bit flamboyant and difficult to keep up with still, but I’m also more aware of my surroundings. I feel more creative, when I stop and stare at the clouds I feel like I want to go grab some paper and draw that lion with ballet shoes that I just saw.
While typing this I feel like I’m portraying an image that I’m mentally challenged, which couldn’t be more of a lie. With top grades and athletics behind me I could do anything, but I choose not to. I don’t want to just do anything! I want to break away from the pack like lace Armstrong and win like never before!! Set a new high in the world, to keep dreamers dreaming and turn the ungrateful to grateful. I want to give all I have taken and return it in affection, but people are cold nowadays, and some would rather shoot me then get to know me.
What has happened to us, what have we become? What daily events have cause us to feel so blue. We stop hoping. Hope is the only thing that separates us from our children. Kids see the world and all its wonder, not thinking of the bad, while the parents look at it and think of all the harsh realities in it. We cant live with out boundaries, it would be dangerous and I would rather hazard my luck at wining the lottery than doing that full and whole heatedly, though I would love too. Be we can not think freely, nor eat and love freely??
A year has passed and what have you done? Have you made anyone more of a person, can you confidently say "I can do that", or have you ever tried something you might have feared, and enjoyed it so much you wanted to do it again?? Well I have, and though I may be one small person, in a small community, in a suburbia where life should be perfect, I feel I can do more, and I have not stopped yet, and I should hope I never will. And if I do it will be the day I die, not physically maybe, but mentally yes, and we are all prisoners of our minds. If we cannot let go of the past how can we embrace the future?? If we let our minds be free, we are truly free people, no matter the circumstance.
Question - even challenge - authority! The happier you are the more human you become. Stop feeding the "Hungary Ghost" with material objects (again I’m a hypocrite but something’s I just love^^ ex. This Christmas I got way-y to many gifts, but I love them. To me it's the thought not the object) and the illusion of separateness is the foundation of all human suffering. If we didn’t see each other so different would we really hate each other so much? I love this world, and I guess I just wish others could feel the same way I do....
A year has gone by, and I am proud of what I’ve done, and who I’ve become.
Kehehe
A little girl asked her Mom, “Mom, can I take the Belle for a walk around the block?”
Mom replies, “No, because she is in heat.”
“What’s that mean?” asked the child.
“Go ask your father. I think he’s in the garage.”
The little girl goes to the garage and says, “Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you.”
Dad said, “Bring Belle over here!”
He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog’s backside with it to disguise the scent, and said “OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block.”
The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Surprised, Dad asked, “Where’s Belle?”
The little girl said, “She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home.Now on to the puns!!
1. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”
2. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”
3. Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.
4. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
5. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says “I’ve lost my electron,” The other says, “Are you sure?” The first replies “Yes, I’m positive.”6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
“But why,” they asked, as they moved off. “Because”, he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.”
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
“They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”
8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.
So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to “persuade” them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him . (Oh, man, this is so bad, it’s good)….. A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. (bet you start humming it)
10. And finally, there was the person who posted ten different puns on her blog, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make his readers laugh. No pun in ten did.
Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn’t gift giving, it’s the white people version of looting.
YOU CAN'T HAVE MANSLAUGHTER WITHOUT LAUGHTER~
And the best for last!!
"Am I a people?"
"No. You're a chicken."
"Do chickens come from people?"
"No. Chickens come from eggs."
"Do people come from eggs?"
"No. People are born."
"Are eggs born?"
"No. Eggs are...laid?"
"Are people laid?"
"Some are. Some are chicken."
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